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Mom Life Unhinged



I have high functioning anxiety as well as high functioning depression. This means that I constantly find myself adding more and more things to my days. When I'm busy I'm happy. However, I also have health issues and after trying to be supermom/superwoman for a while my body says it's had enough.

We've all been there. You're momming and running life so hard, things are going great then one day you hit a brick wall and all that you've been juggling comes crashing down.

​Those days are hard. It's the days when you feel like your world is crumbling. It's these days, when you definitely know that you aren't supermom, that are some of hardest ones to get through. These are the days when you question your every decision, the days that you question if you're doing anything right, the days when you feel like giving up or giving in.  That's where I am right now, but I can tell you one thing with certainty - the one thing I will not do is give up. I'm struggling in every part of my life currently, but I know - without a doubt - that everything will all work out.

I'm messy, clumsy, imperfect and I don't feel anything close to supermom BUT when I see myself through my son's eyes I see the mom that I'm striving to be. He sees what matters and not all of the superficial things. He knows that I I would spend every second with him if I could and he knows how much he's loved.

I'm busy, short tempered and a little distant because I'm overly exhausted BUT my husband takes it in stride. He tells me how amazing I am even though I'm a blubbering emotional mess lately. 
None of us are super to ourselves, but take a step back and look at the bigger picture. See yourself though your loved one's eyes. Take a deep breath. Fall into your faith and let peace take over.

July 16, 2017 No Comments
  
                       Five years ago, I heard the dreaded words no woman wants to hear.

                                                            I couldn’t have kids…



At least not unless I spent a lot of time and money in the doctor’s office.



At only 22 it was a hard pill to swallow, I had dream names picked out, I knew I wanted a little girl in dance or a little boy that played soccer. At 22 I should have been excited and looking forward to having a family with my then husband, but life had other plans for me.
After a lot of soul searching I came to terms with knowing I would never have a little bundle of joy of my own blood.



Maybe I would foster.



Maybe I would adopt.



        Maybe…just maybe.        
       
I worked a lot, I got divorced, (for other reasons), I moved, I moved again, I got on with my life and I went back to school to learn a new trade and better myself. 



Years passed.





And then one day.
I fell head over heels in love. They say love at first site doesn’t exist but let me tell you, when he looked at me I knew he was going to either make my life the most amazing it could be or he was going to destroy me. This was a love like nothing I ever knew before.
There would be no middle ground with him and I knew it right away.

It was confirmed even more when he introduced me to his two adorable little boys. Maybe this was the family I was meant to have.

​It’s funny how life works out. At 22 I was devastated, heartbroken, I thought that I WAS BROKEN.
Turns out that maybe life just knew better, maybe life was waiting for the right time to send me the miracle it knew I so desperately wanted but never thought I could have.

BECAUSE THREE MONTHS AGO. I TOOK A TEST.

It was a joke. I knew it would be false but I also knew I had to rule it out for the Dr. before he would do any more testing to figure out what was wrong.
And then you see it wasn’t.
It wasn’t false.
That little plus sign stared back at me and I thought I was losing my mind. I even reached for the instructions like I wasn’t 27 and didn’t know how pregnancy tests work. HAH
Joke was on me.

​Because miracles do happen.
And my little miracle is due this New Year’s Eve.
July 06, 2017 No Comments
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